Why do parents question their role so much?

Raising children today is different from fifty years ago and this is nothing new. Children who were seen before as economic goods, who worked and helped the family income, started going to school instead of working. Their rights and responsabilities were recognized and the childhood became an important stage in human development.

The transformation in the way of educating, caring and looking at children has also changed the way parents relate to them. Taking adults to question their role and their skills as parents. The normal questions of parenthood are related to the socio-cultural changes in which we live. We are constantly bombarded with information, in all media, who think they know the best way to raise a child. Proof of this are the numerous guides and books for parents that aim to raise "happier", "self-confident", "bilingual", "without fear" children, and so on .....

As I previously mentioned in some post, parenting is an invisible profession. There are no rules and manual. For some it can be a time of crisis and constant challenges. We need to recognize that not only the roles of parents have changed today, but also those of children. Parents who previously had defined roles now begin to share tasks with the partner or even alone. The children, who once had the school as a priority, now spend hours in extracurricular activities to improve their skills. We live in a world of daily transformations that directly affects the paternal relationship.

But the impression remains that a lot of responsibility is placed upon the parents and the creation of the 'ideal child'. And that demand grows larger as the child grows. But in fact parents just want their children to be happy. And unfortunately even that is demnaded from the others charge from the parents, how is it possible ?!

Happiness and self-confidence are not simple goals, like teaching a child how to ride a bicycle, for example. There is no training for this. Happiness and self-confidence may be by-products of other things, but they can not be objective in and of themselves. The happiness of a child is a very unfair burden on the parents and even more so on the child.

Recognize that making mistakes is part of it, that idealizing a perfect father role is impossible and there is no guide or book that promises to make you an 'ideal parent'. There are no rules to create ideal parents and / or children. When we assume that this exists, we place a greater weight on the relationship, putting our focus in the wrong direction, and losing all the 'magic' od dealing with things as they come. Because parenthood is learning constantly about yourself through the children.

See you next time,

Laura

Text based on Jane Senior's speech, "For parents, happiness is a very high bar": 

https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_senior_for_parents_happiness_is_a_very_high_bar#t-1073344