Being a parent X Being a spouse

Maybe you are not the only that think it is impossible to separate the couple's space and the parent's space. The difficulty in defining the functions of father/ mother from those of the couple is one of the causes of family problems.

When two people live together as a couple, they start sharing some common interests, happiness, experiences and more. In this way, they create a space of their own that begins to develop and transform constantly.

When the first child arrives these space with well defined functions and behaviors change. In this way, the couple needs to work on keeping their roles within the relationship, so that it is not hindered by the new parental functions.

Many couples, after the first child, begin to perform only the parental functions, forgetting that they are still together. They stop caring for each other or having some alone time, thus allowing the child to prevent moments of intimacy. Many relationships begin to deteriorate at this point, but they could, on the contrary, be nurtured and developed with the two making an effort to preserve the marital relationship.

If man and woman cease to function as a couple, it is not uncommon for one of them, or both, to project their needs towards the child: demanding or expecting they to take care of you, keep you company, be a confidant, a friend, and the leisure time partner in place of the spouse. As a result the couple drifts away further and further.

In situations similar to this, it would not be strange to see the child with problematic behaviors being referred to therapy. Which leads me to reflect whether the therapy should be just for the child or maybe should be a couple's therapy or even a family therapy, wouldn't you say so?!

Couples who strive to learn to differentiate between these two spaces can achieve a more harmonious living. They know that they must deal with the specific difficulties of each relationship, to reap the fruits of the warmth and intimacy of their marital space. Also teaching the child that they are not responsible for the relationship of the couple and that, when they become an adult, they will also have to care for their own relationships.

See you next time,

Laura